Because History is All You Left Me…

History is All You Left Me

              I finally read my first book by Adam Silvera and he is so worth all the hype, that is buzzing around him right now,  because his writing style is beautiful. I could try to put it in words, but I just can’t.   Adam’s writing style is known for leaving you on the hook, and he mentions that events are so important, but you don’t reveal how important, or how emotional they are, until later in the book, but every word, every action, is there for a reason. He writes about grief, love, break-ups, friendship and self-discovering, all in one beautiful, book.

I just  cried so much during this book, because I could totally relate to Griffin, for more reasons in my personal life, and I just think that this book can really put things into perspective about life, and friendships, and I was so satisfied, with this book.

For those that don’t know what this book is about, here is the background that I always steal from goodreads:

          When Griffin’s first love and ex-boyfriend, Theo, dies in a drowning accident, his universe implodes. Even though Theo had moved to California for college and started seeing Jackson, Griffin never doubted Theo would come back to him when the time was right. But now, the future he’s been imagining for himself has gone far off course.

         To make things worse, the only person who truly understands his heartache is Jackson. But no matter how much they open up to each other, Griffin’s downward spiral continues. He’s losing himself in his obsessive compulsions and destructive choices, and the secrets he’s been keeping are tearing him apart.

         If Griffin is ever to rebuild his future, he must first confront his history, every last heartbreaking piece in the puzzle of his life.

The way this book is written is that it jumps from the present to the past, and in each memory that Griffin has with Theo, and he’s trying to deal with his pain and heartache,and he’s also dealing with his OCD. I just think that it did a great job at revealing that the wrong person, doesn’t want you to fight your own mental health battles and they just accept your struggles, but they don’t encourage you to get better, or ask for help, like Theo didn’t want Griffin to move on from him, but wanted to go to school in Califorina, just because Theo was there.

Also, Theo didn’t encourage Griffin to get help with his OCD, such as Griffin always wanting him to be on his left, and always being afraid to end things on an odd number. I think when you really love someone, you want them to be the best version of themselves, and you want them to be as healthy as possible, like how Wade, encourages Griffin to be a better person, all the time, and Griffin just encourages him to be healthy psychically, and emotionally. Also, if you care about them, you have a way to make them want to care about themselves, you don’t just ignore the problems or issues that the person has, but you make them want to get help.

But, let’s talk about Theo and Griffin, because their love story was not okay. At first, their relationship, seems so sweet and innocent, and romantic, and they just give you all the mushy feels, but by the time you get to the end of the book, you learn how abusive and toxic this relationship is, and Wade, poor, underrated was the only one to realize it. Yes, Wade is friends with him, and cares deeply for them both, but love doesn’t blind him, like it does Griffin. Griffin thinks Theo can do no wrong, and thinks that Theo is perfect, he’s smart, handsome, and his Griffin’s best friend, and Griffin just believes everything that Theo tells him, and he basis every decision, such as where to go to school, based on Theo. Theo, whom is in a serious relationship with another man, tells Griffin, that if he comes to school with Theo, out in Califorina, then they could get back together with Theo, and that was the moment  that it clicked for me about how unhealthy this relationship is.

Also, when Theo tells Jackson (his Califorina boyfriend) that intimate details with the kisses, that Griffin and I believe it was his mom did with him and Theo finds out, I was so, so angry for Griffin, and that was another indication that Theo didn’t really care about Griffin or his feelings, because no matter how angry you are at someone after you break up, you don’t share another personal detail like that with your new love interest, you just don’t do it. I think this was the turning point, and breaking point for Griffin, and that was when he realized how completely messed up all of this was, and that he needed to move on. I just lost it at this scene, but I was so happy for Griffin, because this was the moment that he started to take care of himself, and go to therapy, and try to deal with his heartbreak, and he seemed to really get perspective after this point, and he even realized how he used Wade, and apologized to him, for being such a jerk, and I just love how honest Griffin and Wade are with each other, and Griffin didn’t try to make an excuse for his actions, but he really did become a better person.

But, I also really like how they didn’t immediately get back together, and that Griffin was the one that said he wanted to take things slow, and becomes friends again, so he didn’t take advantage of Wade anymore, and I was just sobbing because I was so proud of him, and so happy that he gained something from Theo and Jackson, and even that Jackson and them were able to be friends, afterwards.

I just think that my favorite scene is in the beginning when Theo and Griffin come out to each other in front of their parents, and everyone, and nobody really cared. It was a really positive experience, and I love it when Wade said, “Just don’t let it ruin the squad.” Because, Wade cares so much for their friendship, and he doesn’t want anything to come between his friendship with Theo and Griffin, and the fact that he’s such a private person, anytime, Wade speaks, it’s normally about something important, and I just think Wade knew eventually something would happen, that would ruin the squad, and it was such an important moment in the book, because we didn’t know that Wade was gay as well, and we didn’t know he was in love with Griffin, because Griffin didn’t realize it until after he was using Wade for sex, because he was too consumed about Theo, that Griffin didn’t focus on anyone else, let alone, Wade.
All in All, I gave this book a five out of five stars. You will laugh, you will cry, you will wonder what is the point of life, and you would wish you would be part of this epic love story. I just recommend you have a box of tissues with you, when you read this beautiful book.

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